I’ve been pondering for some time what it means to rest in a relationship, as opposed to having to fight or work hard for it. Just visualizing that concept gives me a sense of relief and instant release. But do I really know how such a relationship shows up in real life? (…)

On a neurobiological and psychological level, fighting is 1 of 3 automated responses to an existential threat. In and of itself it serves a valuable purpose, which is that of (physical and/or psychological) survival. It is meant to come and go like a wave but becomes a chronic response if as children we often found ourselves in situations in which we felt threatened, cornered, or otherwise diminished. (…)

There is barely anything more freeing & empowering to saying & affirming No when we mean it. Our conscious Yes and No affirms our sense of Self and is in full alignment with how we feel and what we need, the essential ingredients of our being. But why is it so difficult for many of us to be clear and firm about our boundaries, our own capacity, our own will? (…)

I’m writing these lines with a stiff neck, barely able to keep it straight and my shoulders square. It’s painful enough as it is but even more painful when I listen to what it tells me. It yells & kicks “Enough!”. Enough of the pretending; enough of the keeping up with other people’s perspectives & way of doing things; enough of the assumptions & expectations of myself that I’ll never be able to fulfil. (…)

Trauma happens in relationships as much as they’re healed in relationship. Which seems to be paradox at first makes perfect sense when taking a closer look at the genesis of developmental trauma. (…)

Often we assume that once we’ve healed an emotional wound, tapped into more spaciousness & freedom, we naturally need to feel relieved, more energetic, focused & all the good stuff. In my experience that’s often not what happens right away. And here’s why: (…)