C.G. Jung
“In every true relationship there will be a confrontation with one’s own shadow.”
Our perception of the world, including the people in our lives, is most influenced by our earliest life experiences and relationships.
What we experience in a phase that is largely unconscious to us still determines our self-worth, the way we enter into relationships and how we deal with internal and external conflicts.Our early and formative relationships also rolemodel and teach us our conflict behavior. Therefore it is a challenge for many of us, to handle conflicts independently, proactively, and constructively.We often see conflicts as a threat more so than as a deepening and renewal of our relationship with ourselves and others. Hence, we tend to either avoid them or approach them so aggressively that a productive and dignified interaction with one another is impeded.
If we were deeply hurt, i.e. traumatized, in our earliest attachment experiences (e.g., through emotional neglect, emotional, or physical abuse), we develop assumptions and behaviors that are meant to rationalize why this had happened to us (e.g., "I'm not enough") and to protect ourselves from reliving similarly painful experiences (e.g., "when things get hairy, I prefer to withdraw"). In doing so, we disrupt a healthy and instinctive relationship with ourselves, our potential, and with others.The solution is in addressing the parts of ourselves that were hurt and suppressed in the hurtful situation and thus to re-create an inner wholeness that allows us to see and feel ourselves fully and to bring these qualities into our relationships.Our interpersonal conflicts are the basis in which we can recognize and heal these injuries.