Surrendering Resistance

Try something different - surrender.

- Rumi

This is an awkward time for me - one in which there are so many ideas and inspirations and therewith opportunities flowing my way, and yet, I don’t feel the need or the capacity to catch and hold them.

It’s a phase in which I perceive that the best I can do is to step out of the way and let the puzzle pieces fall into their place, to be an aware and focused observer of how life plays out for me.

I could relax and yet I can’t because I assume that something is expected of me, that I am no one without contributing, be it in words or actions. And that might be my pitfall.

Because anything that I’m contributing these days to smaller or larger circles doesn’t have the same impact as it could have when the times were more aligned with how I want to express myself in this world.

Given the amount of inner work that I’ve been doing lately, it might be a wise idea to give myself space and time to let all out-worn dynamics fade and the new and unusual ones settle in. Because that is part of the resistance - or maybe even the root cause - that new dynamics (as in ways of thinking, sensing, (inter-) acting) always mean a shattering of the old, painful but yet familiar, sense of self.

It’s not a cognitive process only, actually that less than anything else. It means the rewiring of of my inner systems - the nervous system above everything, as it resonates with my surrounding world.

Surrendering carries a sense of gentleness, at least in my perception. It doesn’t mean to give up to a fate that is directed by others. Quite the opposite, it is the surrender to my own inner intelligence that doesn’t operate on much guidance from the outside but intuitively takes my entire being into account.

It means giving and holding space and time for which parts of me want to emerge that are uniquely mine, never been like that and will never be like that anywhere else than in me and through me.