Creating My Space

I have to be me. I have to be authentic. My nervous system is so wired, that if I’m not authentic to myself - I’m sick.

- Rae Mate

Authenticity is one of those terms inflationary used with a highly subjective meaning. For many people it’s associated with what they say, how they dress or the group they belong to. Not having given much thought to authenticity much of my life, I’d suggest a different connotation. One that is more of a felt sense of my core needs being met - or not.

The more I understand my own nature in its complexity, the various layers of (childhood) experiences, deeply buried emotions, and unmet needs that have led me to take up certain beliefs, and comply with a well-treaded path, the more naturally I develop a sense for what is mine and what is not.

In my case, I come to allow myself the space that I need, no matter the attribution that I’ve received for doing so throughout my life.

A huge part of myself now knows that it’s not selfish, not reclusive, not awkward to seeking physical space, alone-time that feels safe and relaxing. Yes, I’m a mom of a 2 year-old, I have husband and a big family and no, this doesn’t mean that I have to give up on needs that are the basis of my authentic Self in this world.

Sure, I need to compromise and maybe plan for getting that space more so than I had to with fewer obligations and relations. That sucks at times but this is reality.

I know that I show up in my relations and in the world differently when I’ve taken space to tap into my intuition and my own rhythm and that it can take time. And I also know that in being authentic I cannot benchmark myself to a world that hasn’t and won’t ever meet this core need of mine.

Hence, it is ok to not multi-task; it is ok to just finish one or two tasks a day; it is ok to grab a coffee, leave the house and sit by the water, letting the others figure out how to do without me for a while; it is ok to say when I don’t want to be disturbed; it is ok to leave a party early to self-connect and so on.

And most important: it is more than ok to take the time and space to build up a strong sense of Self, the inner core that allows me to be in this world from my heart, through my heart, and authentically yours.