The Pillar of Self-Connection

When I’m truly self-connected, I’m a pillar for society.

- Franz Ruppert

I’ve always played with the idea that the connection, love, and unity we so desperately seek on the outside needs to happen within myself first. And I’ve tried many methods and techniques to try and achieve all of the above within myself. Only that none of them was sustainable until I’ve started to deeply look at those parts within myself that were seeking exactly these qualities.

The thing is that all of us carry intentions, desires and/or the longing for a change in our hearts and minds. These sentences, images, associations, and sentiments are exactly where our own (lost) power lies.

Recently, I had the chance to do a self-encounter in which I looked at the painful thoughts and impulses I developed when my daughter was born. In more than 2 years of regular self-encounters, I haven’t had the safety, clarity, and insight yet to face some of my core trauma, rooted in my own womb and early childhood experiences.

Many of us, me included at some point, might assume that we’re better off not headed into this direction. The assumption goes that there is nothing to be found (“my childhood was great!”) or there is a deep knowing that too much will be found there.

What gets overlooked though is the significance of understanding one’s own psychological development for becoming truly empowered and self-determined.

The cool thing with self-encounters that they are in their nature a self-determined process that happens in one’s own pace and rhythm.

Self-encounters don’t force or push into revelations that one is not ready for. That’s what I now know as I’ve been able to connect with those (very) small parts of mine that I’d have brushed over only a short while ago.

The truth is healing because what happens alongside is the building up of a "capacity to parent” parts of me that weren’t parented when they needed it.

Since this self-encounter I feel a soothing and grounding felt (!) sense of empowerment, as I keep on understanding in all my cells that some hopes and expectations will never be met by anyone else. When I’m in my power I expect much less from other people. As much as I can keep myself self-expectations limited, I limit the expectations that I have of others. It’s a fruitless fight anyway. Rather, I start to indulge in the beauty and fulfilment that comes with a deep sense of self-connection.

Which becomes a major pillar in my own life and therewith a pillar in my relationships and beyond.