This has been a longing for me for quite sometime: to put on the brakes and venture into the solitude, the deep sense of connection with myself that my soul or my being was calling for. And yet, some of my prevalent strategies have kept me moving, not trusting too much in my own senses, rather ridiculing them as asking for “laziness”, “lethargy”, “staying stuck”. (…)

Long time, no see or no read/write I should say. I’ve been on a long journey of transition, which slowly comes to its end & the intensity of which I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

I’ve been incensed & enraged quite a bit throughout the process, especially lately as I feel my justice being lopsided by a particularly confused & confusing contemporary that I’m in contractual relations with at the moment. (…)

I’ve never felt that angry my entire life. Although I should say, I never was aware that I was that angry as I’m aware now. Lately, I feel it’s boiling and billowing inside of me, about to spill outside but not quite yet because there still is this thin membrane like my skin that keeps it tucked inside. (…)

The thing with following a (spiritual) practice that works for yourself is that often times you assume it’s the only workable practice, the ultimate one, often after years of searching. I distinctly remembered the moment though in which I realized I hit a point inside of me that I couldn’t possibly move beyond through meditation.

To me this is a time of increasing focus, heightened awareness, and a thinking- and feeling through core relationships of mine. As there is a lot of movement, manifestation and elevated understanding happening within me, naturally this has implications for the systems I’m participating in. (…)

What an evergreen in my pile of insights: just doing what feels good to me!! - and then not being able to for reasons like the generally subtle & fine character of intuition and/or the loud voice within me that corrects the sense of discomfort and unease straight away. In my experience though the truth always returns. (…)