The Art of Resonating

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

There are many ways in which we can connect with one another. Words, touch, laughter are some of connection’s outward expressions. Empathy and resonance are a couple of the qualities that describe our capacity to feel & attune to each other.

What is the difference really? Based on my experience, I’d suggest that when we’re empathizing with another being, we comprehend (from our own experience) what the other is experiencing but we’re still in connection with ourselves. In empathy, we have the capacity to have compassion in our heart for what the other is feeling & to offer consolation but we’re not losing ourselves in their experience. We’re not necessarily feeling for ourselves what the other is feeling. Empathy therefore provides us with the opportunity to help where help is needed or asked for.

Resonance on the other hand is our natural skill to “vibrate”with one another, to be able to feel what another person is feeling. It’s often unconscious & unwilling. Just think of those situations in which you enter a room with people fighting or in anger; you might instantly feel its effects in your body or even get angry yourself; or if your partner is in a bad mood, it’s difficult to not feel moody yourself.

With our capacity to resonate, the question of healthy boundaries is put forward. If I’m well connected with & grounded in myself, it’s easier for me to be aware of my own resonating but not get lost in it. The same logic applies to empathy: the better I know & care for myself, the more likely I empathize with the capacity to support if needed.

Resonance therefore is something to be aware of & to be fine-tuned in careful “training” with one another. To me it was important to realize that in our first few years of life, we’re pure resonance - we operate through our feelings & in close vibration with our caretakers & increasingly the world around us. This is also where the foundation for “healthy” resonating is set. Is it possible for us to express our authentic emotions as much as our resonance, mirroring in more or less subtle ways what’s the atmosphere around us? Do we have parents that take responsibility for the quality of their relationships & help us stay grounded within ourselves, i.e. set healthy boundaries for themselves?

In community, resonance is an incredible tool to help each other to resolve deep-seated mental & emotional blocks. In trauma healing, we use this innate ability to help psychological dynamics & suppressed emotions/experiences to surface so we can both feel & see what is difficult to realize alone. By the help of others, deep emotional contact with one’s own reality & experience is made possible.

In my personal healing journey, this has been the profoundest way of realizing, healing & connecting with who I really am. Something that is impossible on a cognitive basis alone & more importantly unthinkable without the space & resonance of other people.

Which is a universal truth, no matter the traditions you follow or methods you use: our interconnectedness as much as the life-changing (world-changing) effects of collaboration.