No One Ever Said It was going to be Easy...
(In collaboration with the Identity Development Institute)
“One way or another, we all have to find what best fosters the flowering of our humanity in this contemporary life, and dedicate ourselves to that.”
- Joseph Campbell
...to learn to become human again and stop striving to be a superhero, as Stephen Gyllenhaal, my trainer in the Identity Development (ID) facilitator program, framed it during a recent training session.
I understand “superhero”-ing. I see it in my ceaseless attempts to be perfect in how I come across and what I’m doing, and my striving to keep deep, raw emotions at bay, while over-emphasizing intellectual, rational explanations for what’s going on in my life.
Becoming human again means taking the edge off my response to myself and others, and instead, becoming gentler, clearer, and more at ease with who I am in any given moment.
Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Yes, but not easy, as I’ve realized lately.
Faced with a lot of rage, “caused by” current sociopolitical conditions, and actions (or the lack thereof) in my relationships, it’s been tough for me to be present with young, wounded parts of myself that haven’t been able to express anger and sorrow for the longest time.
What has piled up is now surfacing full force – yet I’ve come to consider this as good news.
Through ongoing ID sessions, I slowly, gently, and decidedly peel away layers (as in behaviors and mechanisms) of myself that have covered up that deep-seated rage and grief. Rather than externalizing my pain or retreating to habitual ways of distracting myself, I face the raw emotion, seeking no escape.
Facing it would have been impossible, too terrifying, for me only a short while ago.
Increasingly, the grounded, humane method and community of ID work give me opportunity and a safe space to meet myself where I’m at and not where I imagine I should be (as in composed, rational, not angry, etc.). I can see, without judgment, how forcing myself to be other than I am results in blaming others and shirking responsibility.
This path is not filled with certainties or readily available explanations. According to Franz Ruppert, ID work is not a moral theory, classifying and categorizing, but rather, explains the cause and effect hidden in our early childhood experiences.
As such, it is a gentle unfolding of what it means to be human, with all its delight, pain, and creativity – and the tangible effects are more lasting and empowering than any inside or outside solutions I’ve tried before.