Holding Space for Ambiguity

I had many worries in my life, most of which never happened.

- Mark Twain

In collaboration with the Identity Development Institute

Recently, I listened to a leading German psychologist who said that in connecting with our deeply buried emotions and life experiences, we gain one significant quality: the capacity to hold space for ambiguity. 

It inspired me to imagine how both my personal and collective life would shift if I allowed for more ambiguity, and hence diversity in my individual and my shared experience with others.

Life is as inherently ambiguous as it is uncertain. Trying to make it less so is our understandable yet painful attempt to keep strong emotions at bay. 

Holding space for ambiguity to me means being able to disagree with my husband without denying his reality; being compassionate with myself even though I’ve done or said something embarrassing or agitating; finding the courage to authentically express myself even if it means being misunderstood; and embracing parts of myself that are terrifying and parts that are terrified both at the same time. 

On a social scale it could mean allowing controversies to emerge, unfold, and transform rather than resorting to rushed assessments and quick fixes.

In fact, holding space for ambiguity is not driven by the solution-oriented mind. It is a gentle process that unfolds in its own way and pace. After having worked with Identity Development for the past two years, I can more quickly access the soothing, caring, and reassuring parts of myself that stay present while other parts run amok in the face of ambiguity.

I find it much easier to see and hear parts of myself that have been suppressed or disregarded for the longest time. 

Softening into the space of ambiguity and uncertainty frequently unleashes creativity and power I wasn’t aware I had. I seem to be able to go below the surface issues, reaching underlying and universal qualities such as care, connection, and inspiration. 

It is my great hope that we, as a society, will strengthen our capacity to tolerate and even enjoy life’s ambiguity, and celebrate in it the diversity of life that exists on this planet. 

Isn’t it time to connect with the subtlety, the gentleness, and the creativity that is part of being human – ambiguous and uncertain as that may be?