Consider Yourself

These days, I’m (as much as the rest of us) consistently faced with the notions of “being considerate”, “thoughtful”, “protecting others/each other”, etc. This comes in very visible and concrete forms, such as in wearing face masks in public (or in enclosed public spaces, no matter if others are present or not), or in getting tested for Covid-19 before seeing loved ones (taking the risk that the test might be completely inaccurate), or in “self-isolating” before seeing family. It triggers the inherent desire of all of us to belong, to include and be included, to care for each other. So as such there is nothing wrong with the underlying motivation.

Only that it might take its toll in exactly the area that it tries to sustain: consideration, thought- and mindfulness, and care. As a young mother in New York City my energy, heart and mind space, is rather exclusively focused on creating space for my daughter to get to know and experience herself and others by way of curiosity, trust, and joy. This is a tough task during these days, in which fear, closed-mindedness, and distrust are more pronounced than I’ve ever experienced it. It is also tough and maybe impossible to provide someone with safety, if you’re not feeling it yourself.

Which is part of the reason why I’ve put my emphasis in time and other resources on healing myself since Klara was born and even more so since Covid-19 started. To me that’s the only sustainable response to today’s world and at the same time it makes me become more desperate and cynical about the common narrative, and government- and industry-initiated responses.

How much value and meaning does “consideration” have if implemented measures don’t consider the wellbeing of everyone, in fact the wellbeing of most (children, the dying, business owners, people in nursing homes etc.)? And how effective can “consideration” be if it comes at the price of being inconsiderate towards myself, that is my own resources, my own feelings, my own values, my own life experiences?

I recently spoke with a friend about the motivations of certain public figures and we found that while we cannot claim that they don’t act out of conviction, it certainly doesn’t seem to come from a place of empathy, care, and a capacity for nuances. All of which are part of being “considerate”, whether it’s towards others or towards myself.

I can say for now that I neither have the strength nor willingness to continue to disregard my own emotional response and experiences in this world, just to be “considerate”. This is self-defeating. I continue to keep my senses as close to me as possible (rather than dispersed in news and other tales) and to focus on what is triggered inside of me and why.

These times are amazing to consider your own Self, power, and purpose. And to finally take yourself seriously (again).