Stretching out Intentionally

Now that I’ve started teaching meditation to a larger group of people in an organizational setting, I’ve quickly noticed the points, in which I really get self-conscious. “Will he return to the class? Oh gosh, how does my voice sound! Oh man, there are a couple experienced meditators…what guidance can I possibly offer them??” 

In raising these questions of doubts and criticism to my group of co-meditation teacher students, one of them spoke about truthfulness and how that can be fulfilled by being clear about the intention. In a first step, it doesn’t really matter what these intentions are (though from personal experience I would argue that the intention of becoming very famous and influential as a teacher increases the pressure to a larger-than-life degree). It matters to be clear about them and to be able to put them into words – for yourself. Noticing that I’d like to share mindfulness practices because I’m convinced of their grounding and focusing effect is an intention that I can handle much better. Likewise, the chatter in my brain and the anxiety surrounding the “looks” of my teachings to others slowly falter.

I thought a lot about intention lately. It just happened to come up for me as a concept, as a thought, as a resolution on a few crossroads I found myself in the past week.

The dilemma I find myself in (and see others be in as well) is the deep desire for a fundamental change and the cluelessness about the way to get there. While a few major shifts are apparent to me already, I simply don’t know how to take them, when, in which order. It is like seeing the future setting on the horizon already but not the bridge I need to cross to reach it.

In this tension, I may not be able to make big steps but I can write the map, so to say, by getting my intentions straight. To me those types of intentions are heart-based. Since I see the picture of what I strive for already, the question is, which qualities it holds that I value so much I’d like to turn them into my reality. It is tough to get through the pile of information I receive every day and to stay focused on what comes out of the desire of my heart and the direction of my soul. 

But then at the same time being intentional is incredibly empowering. I cannot avoid anymore sorting out what belongs to me truly and what I’ve taken on as part of my upbringing and my surrounding. The Latin origin intentio means ‘stretching out’, which I would have never guessed and find beautiful. Because this is exactly how it feels – to be clear on my heartfelt intentions, to find words for them, and to trust that they’ll lead me to the change I seek in a way that I cannot imagine (yet)…wooowww…that’s far out of my comfort zone! 

Then again, my current situation requires setting the groundwork straight. Things will happen quickly thereafter.

So each morning as I do my stretches, I’ll do them both literally and metaphorically. Noting them down, focusing on them in meditation, trusting that they’ll eventually shape into that bridge I am on the lookout for. And continue the exercise over and over again when everyday life wants to stretch me into the other direction.