Full of Rage

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

- Mark Twain

I’m writing these lines in a state of rage, as clear and as much at the forefront as I’ve ever witnessed it before. 

I’m enraged about my concept of flexibility. Somehow it seems I’ve fooled myself and others into believing that I can adapt to everything and anything that life throws at me, that I’m totally cool with going with the flow, shifting and reacting constantly to accommodate others’ ideas, fears, and schedules. 

But anger and tension have been piling up inside of me, leaving me consistently overwhelmed by my private life and our societal circumstances, by the roles I assume I’ll have to fill and the needs I assume I’ll have to meet.

Realizing how much I’ve resisted and denied my own integrity, by disregarding my own needs, leaves me with deep sadness and grief. 

How many times have I allowed others to overstep my boundaries, just because I didn’t want to cause a stir? How much energy have I wasted on an internal dialogue, in which I convincingly justify others’ actions or social demands, causing me to act against my own feelings and needs over and over again? 

Will I continue like that once I’m done writing this piece?

I don’t know. What I know is that it’s time to take my rage seriously, without needing to know how it will translate into informed and empowered action or into necessary changes in my relationship to myself and others. 

I also know the time is ripe because of my consistent inner work. Each time I do a self-encounter, I strengthen my ‘healthy I’ and thereby my capacity to see and embrace my life experiences, my emotions, and my needs. 

Rage is an aspect that frequently comes up in the sessions of the community I work with. For many of us it seems to be a deeply buried emotion that stems from overwhelming early childhood experiences, in which our existential needs were not met by our caretakers, and our ensuing anger and grief were not validated. 

It gives me a sense of warmth and safety to meet these aspects of myself in a community that is so deeply human, curious, and equipped with the capacity to hold deep emotions. 

Because of this sense of community,  I’m certain that in my own time I’ll be able to integrate, and hence transform, my rage into power and authenticity.

If you’re also frequently faced with a sense of overwhelm, rage, grief or any other emotion that seemingly blocks you from staying stable and strong in this world, just get in touch with me to discuss how I can support you in gaining more clarity for and stability in yourself.