A as in Accountability

"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."

- Sigmund Freud

That is such a strong statement, given that the July 4th weekend just passed. Independence is a big theme in the States and it’s often used in one sentence with freedom. But does one really lead to the other?

In my experience, striving for independence comes with a sense of disconnect. It’s something that I’ve set my mind onto, creating a me vs. them attitude whenever I actively pursued independence.

The same goes for the idea that freedom comes with “getting rid of something”, which naturally and quite consequentially puts the power onto that something, carrying me away from my strength within.

It has taken me some time to understand, feel, and experience that what I’m actually seeking is autonomy. And that the mean to get there is accountability.

Holding myself accountable for the situations, conditions, and relationships in my life is not to be confused with blaming myself for them. Instead, in being accountable I understand that the triggers in my life are pointing me to a part - an emotion, an experience, an unmet need - within myself that wants to be acknowledged, embraced, or released in its current function. That is the opposite of fighting it with teeth and claws, which in so many ways translates to our all-to-willingness of fighting it/blaming it on the outside.

The beauty with accountability is that it quite naturally leads to setting boundaries. As I turn my attention inwards, I cannot as much spare it for someone or something else while sending the clear signal (in words or not) that I intend to care for myself and my own healing process.

As I’m holding myself accountable in that sense, whether I feel like a victim or a perpetrator, the qualities of grounding and clarity kick in; which in turn are essences of my personal freedom and autonomy.

So instead of talking about freedom as if we had to - by all means & in all instances - fight for it against the ‘other’, maybe we can begin to understand that self-responsibility, self-connection, and self-care are the gateways to becoming as free as we’re meant to be.