The Illusion of Decision making
There is a whole bunch of research out there that suggests that our decision making is not as rational as we'd like to believe (I cannot believe it. Humanity is not a rational breed?? :). Behavioural psychologists have dedicated research to the seemingly irrational way we actually make decisions (that is judging based on past examples, experiences, and general (resulting) biases); first and foremost Daniel Kahneman and Ariel Tversky. While that may be a blow to everyone who still believes that we are capable of perfect rationality, I actually find these insights refreshing...and painful at the same time, given a recent experience I had.
I was just confronted with some sort of a "will I stay or will I go"-dilemma. And while I had an initial gut reaction that was pretty clear, in knowing that this opportunity had arisen due to me being clear on my intention and motivation, I got completely stuck in choosing the "right" (that's one illusion right there). I phoned 8 people I trust, which increased my pool of counsellors by exactly 800% because I typically go with my intuition (plus a dinner with my husband). You can imagine that this was not the way to come any closer to clarity but at least I could get my worries off my chest. In any case, how it turned out to be after 3 days of ruminating: the decision was made for me. So much for empowerment!
After an initial relief, I just feel like sh**. This has some more deep-rooted reasons but what I initially understand in reflecting on it: We are indeed not a rationally hard-wired species when it comes to decisions that we assume are far-reaching. And maybe we shouldn't even aspire to be. In rehashing the pro and contras of either option, I simply cornered myself very much away from my intuition and from any mindfulness, which would have been essential in reaching a more stable and satisfying solution.
Since I just had to write up a talk on the essence of suffering from a Buddhist perspective (which is often based on attachment, such as being attached to a certain (imagined) outcome or being attached to the idea of being in control) and the Buddhist exit strategy, I noted again that there is great value in aligning with awareness that goes beyond my reasoning and thoughts. In stepping out of the pure thinker mode (here are some good suggestions of how to do that), I realise that there is a consciousness, mindfulness, and awareness that is essentially trusting and knowing, that either gives me a clear and calm direction, or - which was my case - makes me aware of both options being essentially good.
It's a practice, it takes dedication and time, since it is nothing less than changing the perspective on life. But choosing to be mindful and aware, just spares you a lot of headache (literally!) and I can now say that it's worth it. In going back to researchers' assumption that the "illusion" is that we make rational decisions I would add that the illusion may also be that we necessarily have to in order to come to a result that contents us. I would rather switch termini and say that reasonable decision-making is based on a full understanding of my motivation, a clear sense for what feels more vibrant, and a trust to be able to judge in the moment, without taking too much of the past or the future into account.
Hinterher ist man immer schlauer :)